


Genderfluid - Phan

by bandsarephantastic1



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anorexia, Autism, Autistic!Phil, Genderfluid, M/M, anorexic!dan, genderfluid!dan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-22
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-07-16 17:03:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7276462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bandsarephantastic1/pseuds/bandsarephantastic1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan - anorexic, genderfluid, selectively mute, lonely<br/>Phil - autistic, very smart, tutor, pansexual </p><p>Together? What a pair they make.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introductions

DANIEL:

Hello there. My name is Dan Howell. I'm a little weird, I guess. I don't talk to anybody but my brother, Greg. I'm 16, he's 24. He's also my legal guardian. Our parents are sort of in prison. I won't get into that though. Let's just say they did some bad things to Greg and me.

I love to dance. No, I don't take dance classes or do real dance or anything. I just like to dress up in pretty clothes and dance to Bastille and Twenty One Pilots. Greg tells me I'm a good dancer.

Another thing that I love is art. My room is full of paintings that I've done, origami, clothes I've sewn, and other artsy stuff I've made. I like to use pastel colors and floral patterns. I may be girly, but I am not a girl. At least, today I'm not. Today I'm a boy. Kind of. I'm more masculine than on girl days or nonbinary days, but not as masculine as I am on guy days. That's why it's called genderfluid. I'm just going with the flow. Anyway, I'm having a more masculine day. A masculine, worry-filled day. Tomorrow I'm starting at a new school. I just moved to the suburbs of Manchester. I don't know what to expect. Greg did send in a note explaining why I hadn't checked male or female on the registration form. He also explained that I'm anorexic and selectively mute. Basically, he told the school what to expect. They replied and told him that they had forwarded the email to all of my teachers. That should work itself out just fine in the first few weeks, but it's the social aspect that concerns me. I went to private school my whole life! I've never been to a big school with over 200 kids, much less over 1,000. I'm going into sophomore year too. I got held back in seventh grade. It was mortifying! In private school, you're with the same 20 kids in your grade for ten years. Everybody knows everybody, so when I got held back, it was a big deal. It was awful.

I'm a bit nervous, to say the very least.

PHILIP:

Hey! I'm Phil Lester. Tell you about myself? Er, well, I dunno. I'm 16, I start junior year tomorrow, I'm in all advanced classes, and I have a special interest in coding. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Ew, a techy computer nerd. I'm not though! You see, I'm autistic. Basically, I'm like a magnet. I get into something and suddenly it's the only thing I care about at all. I've been stuck to coding since third grade. Third grade is when you go to the second of the town schools here in Haydensville. The second school has computer class. That's when I was introduced to computer programming and stuff like that and ever since it's been my favorite thing. That and film/video editing. Am I talking too much about this? Let's see, other introductiony stuff... Oh! No, that's not relevant at all. Umm... I like boys and I like girls and I like nonbinary people. I like everybody. I'm pansexual. There are no attractive people at my school though. That might just be because I have very few friends and I usually keep my head down in class because the lights are very bright, but of the people that I do see and hear, nobody seems like actual good date material. I've only had one boyfriend in my life and it was in freshman year because everyone was excited to finally be in high school and be able to date people.

I guess I'm kind of a nerd. A weird, autistic, androgynous-ish, A+ average kid who can code a whole tumblr theme in an afternoon. Maybe I am a nerd. But who cares? I finished all of my required service hours that I need to graduate in freshman year just by tutoring. I actually don't have a job at a coffee shop or in a store like most kids my age do; I tutor people for money. I had three kids for summer tutoring this year along with a summer job at a technology camp for kindergartners to second graders. Now it's time for school again and I don't have anyone to tutor. I made some fliers that I'll put up around school. The school also emails parents of kids who have more than one C or lower grade at the end of September. They send tutoring and extra help opportunities and a list of people like me who have exceptional grades in the classes that their kids aren't doing well in. They email the kids with high grades -- 95 or above -- first to see if they want to tutor. The final list usually consists of me and less than ten others because nobody in my school wants to tutor kids. I love it though. Hopefully this year I'll get someone I like better than the kid I had last year. For my first kid, it was some really loud freshman who complained about everything and didn't even try and he made fun of me. It was overwhelming, so I had to stop going over after only four weeks. After that I worked something out with another kid who was easier to be around, but I just didn't like him. I hope I get someone more fun to be with this year.


	2. New Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dani and Phil meet for the first time. Dani is uncomfortable around but intrigued by Phil's group of friends.

DANIEL:

I walk into the classroom. My hands are shaking like crazy. I walk up to the teacher's desk. I hand her the envelope that Greg told me to bring in. I guess it's last minute registration forms or something.

"What's this?" the teacher asks. I nervously bite my lip. I'm not going to like public school, am I? She sounds impatient and rude. I'm scared. "Speak up." I point a shaky finger to the word "office" written in cursive. "Oh, you're the new kid that doesn't talk, aren't you? Danielle?" I nod. Today is a Danielle day, after all. That's not to say that I would've put up a fight if it were a Dan day. I'm dressed girly anyway. I'm wearing some pretty makeup and a frilly blue skirt. When I'm having a girl day, I dress extremely feminine. I even have my nails painted purple to match my belt and I have a pretty bra under my tucked in muse shirt. I think I look hella cute.

The morning is relatively uneventful. Once I get my lunch, however, I find myself in a situation that I had not anticipated. I don't know anyone and I have no one to sit with. I don't know where to go. Greg didn't warn me about this! He warned me about doing my homework and not being too weird, not the cafeteria! Oh god, I feel like I could have a panic attack any minute now. Holy shit, I can not do this. 

"Are you alright?" someone asks me sweetly. I jump at the sound of their voice and turn to face them. I feel nauseous, oh my goodness. I can't tell this person's gender, but they do seem nice enough. They have an American accent too. They're shorter than I am, but appear to be the same age. They're wearing very short overall shorts with thin, royal blue tights underneath. Pointing out things to myself like what people are wearing and where I am always calms me down. This person is also wearing what appears to be an off white Pikachu t-shirt with light brown around the collar and sleeves. They have their hair up in a ponytail and it shows off their pretty face and soft looking dark skin. How can somebody's skin be so clear? I'm amazed. 

"Come with me," the person says. "You look absolutely terrified. Come on, you can eat with me and my friends. We eat in the auditorium. I hope that's okay." I nod and uncomfortably follow this person. The auditorium, thankfully, is pretty close to the cafeteria. 

"Guys?" my new person calls into the huge room. The room is completely empty expect for four people sitting in the middle of one of the four sections of seats. In the top of the two rows that the four are taking up there are three people. Is every one of these people nonbinary? One person in the top row is wearing a green skirt, a white blouse, and a hat while laying on top of another person in girls denim shorts and a guys tank top. Two seats over from them, on the far end of the row, is someone in a gray tank top and white shorts. In the row below them is a boy with his feet up on the row where the other three are. He has on black denim shorts down to his knees and a short sleeves plaid button up. 

"I've brought someone new to eat with us," announces my escort. They're definitely the loudest of the bunch. The others aren't even talking to each other. "This is... What is your name?" I open my mouth, then close it again. Oh no, what do I- "Oh, are you nonverbal?" I nod. "That's fine. Do you know any sign language?" I shrug to show that I kind of do. "Do you know how to finger spell your name?" I nod and I spell out D-A-N-I. "Dani? Guys, this is Dani. I'm Gecko, by the way. Like the cute little slimy crawly reptile." I follow Gecko over to their friends and we sit down. I'm sat next to the very handsome boy wearing big, nerdy glasses and headphones in the bottom row. I couldn't tell he was this attractive from far away. His face, it's flawless. He's on his laptop writing what appears to be a bunch of code. I'm taking a coding class this year. I don't think I'll be with this guy though. This may as well be in a different language! I'm in beginners technology because I have to take an elective as a sophomore. 

"Phil, headphones," says the one in the skirt. The guy next to me, Phil, takes off one of his headphones, but doesn't look up. "Philip." 

"Willow," Phil snaps.

"Say hello to Dani."

"Just a second, I can't decide if I want 237 or 238 red."

"230 and 240 would look the same. Make it 237.5 and-" Phil snaps his head up angrily at Willow.

"You know how I feel about decimals!" Willow puts his...her? Their, hands up in surrender. "Sorry," Phil mumbles. "Uh, I'm Phil. Dani, was it?" I nod cautiously. "Sorry about that. I get hyperfocused sometimes. You're really pretty, Dani." That makes me smile and blush. I literally just met this guy, but he seems very unique and different. If I end up stuck with these people as friends, I don't think it should be too bad.

"Let's go around in a circle and say our names, our genders, our pronouns, and...our favorite cartoons!" Gecko suggests. "I'll start. I'm Gecko, I'm bigender, and- Wait, do you know anything about nonbinary genders? Here." Gecko pulls out a notepad and pen from their front overalls pocket. "Write it down."

"I'm genderfluid," I scribble. "So yes."

"Perfect! So, I'm bigender and my pronouns are they and them. My favorite cartoon is Wild Kratts! Now it's your turn! Write it down, I'll read it for you."

I write on the page the following: Dani/Danielle/Dan/Danny/Daniel (depends on the day) (today it's Dani) I'm genderfluid, my pronouns depend on the day (today it's she and her) my fave cartoon is Bob's Burgers or Adventure Time

"Dani is genderfluid! Today, she's a she but sometimes she's not. Today she's also Dani but sometimes she's Danielle or Dan or Daniel or Danny. She likes Bob's Burgers and Adventure Time. Philly's turn!" Phil had returned to his work while eating a sandwich. "Phil's turn. Phil." Phil finished what he was writing, then looked up. "You know, you could be more polite and not work while we're meeting someone."

"You're one to tell me about manners, mix 'I-never-communicate-in-any-way-but-over-excited-yelling,'" Phil sasses. 

"Shut up!" 

"Whatever. Hi, Dani, I'm Phil. I am a cis boy and I use he and him pronouns. Also, my favorite cartoon is probably Death Note but I don't know if anime counts. Gecko?"

"Totally counts." 

"Cool." 

I write down "I love anime, Death Note is great" and show Phil. He smiles and leans back in his seat. "We'll have to talk about that." 

"I'm Willow," says the next person. "Agender, they and them. I dig Steven Universe, but Monster's Inc. is my all time favorite thing ever, but it's a movie, so I don't know if it counts. It's also my second special interest. We're all autistic, by the way, that's why we're kind of...different. All autistic and LGBT. Philly's the closest thing to a cishet we have. Assuming you're not. Well, you're not cis. Phil is. Anyways, I'm totally rambling. Seb?"

"I'm Sebby! He and him," says the boy who's basically holding Willow. I'm guessing they're a thing. "I am a demiboy." Sorry, the demiboy holding Willow. "And I loooooove Gravity Falls. A lot. Almost as much as I loooooove Willow."

"Tanner! Agender, she and her. I like The Simpsons. And Adventure Time."

"What's your special interest?" Phil asks. My what? I've heard this term several times and I don't know what it is. I give Phil a confused look. "You are autistic, right?" I shake my head. Should I be? "Oh! My bad. Sorry. I just kind of assumed... Whatever. Mine is coding. I love technology stuff. I'm not a nerd though, I swear."

"He is," says Sebby. "He's the biggest nerd I know."

"I am not! That's Willow."

"Whose special interest is what? That's right, art. Not computers." Art? I like art! 

The conversation ends and everybody begins eating their lunch. Uh oh. I bought a salad and some milk so Greg wouldn't get upset that I skipped lunch on my first day, but I don't want any of my food. This salad is huge and it has thick, fatty dressing. This milk is really fatty too. They didn't have skim, only one percent. I swallow hard as I stare uncomfortably at my food. 

"Are you going to eat?" Gecko whispers to me. I don't look at them. I just shrug. "You'll be fine if you eat." I shake my head. I won't be fine. All of the fat will get inside me and clog up my veins and make me huge and I'll die. Plus plants make sugar during photosynthesis and what does sugar do? It makes you fat and it kills you. I am not getting fat.

Just so Gecko doesn't worry -- and I don't know why I'm concerned about this virtual stranger being worried -- I take a few bites of my salad, making sure that none of what I eat has any dressing on it. Four big bites of salad. That's enough for now. I haven't made a dent at all, but I'm done eating. I'm too fat for food.

"Dani, do you want to come hang out at my place after school?" Tanner asks. "We all go over there after school pretty much every day. We play video games and watch TV and work on homework and just hang out. We usually go home after we have dinner together, but sometimes we have sleepovers. Sometimes people have to leave early, sometimes we do it at other people's houses... It's so much fun!"

"It's like this, but louder," says Willow. "More talking and gaming."

"And making out," Sebby says.

"Well, we do that here too. But you should totally come, Dani! It's a blast."

Don't these kids have jobs? Or families that would be concerned about this? Or extracurricular activities? Greg would never let me stay out past dinner and sometimes overnight every single weeknight! Maybe once or twice a week for an hour or two, tops.

I don't even want to go. I don't know these people! Greg wouldn't let me anyway. The social anxiety is also a bit of a road block.

"I don't think my brother would let me since he doesn't know you," I write down. Greg tells me all the time that if I need to make him seem like a strict asshole to get out of something, it's totally fine.

"Your brother?" Tanner asks. "Wait, is your brother, like, your dad?" Sebby hits her playfully on the shoulder.

"She means is he your guardian." I nod. I look down at my hands and anxiously start fidgeting and picking. I have somewhat mild dermatillomania, so I pick at the skin on my hands a lot. I can't just absentmindedly do this, though. I get so zoned out and sucked into what I'm doing that everything around me just seems to disappear. That is, until Phil nonchalantly grabs my left hand and rubs his fingers over mine in a gentle, calming manner. Oh. I'm with this kind of people. The kind of group of friends where everybody loves and touches each other. Or maybe they're just really comfortable around each other. Who knows? All I know is that a total stranger is holding my hand to stop me from picking. This makes me happy. 

After lunch, I throw away my not so empty salad container and my milk. I start out the door of the auditorium back to the main building when I get stopped. 

"Dani, wait!" I turn around and Phil is slowing down right behind me. He stops and smiles at me. "Hi." I smirk a little bit and uncomfortably tuck a piece of hair behind my ear. No, I'm not trying to be flirty and cute. That's just one of my many strange, anxiety-caused habits and mannerisms.

"I know you said you couldn't go to Tanner's, but I'm not going today. Do you, maybe, wanna hang out?" How do I reply? This is why I hate being around people. They always try to make you talk, don't they? Do people know that talking isn't the only was to communicate? "You can just nod or shake your head. I won't be offended if you can't. If it'll sway you any, I do have crash bandicoot and I have origin of symmetry on vinyl. You know, if that floats your boat. I noticed your shirt. I like muse too." This kid is really trying, isn't he? I hold up a finger to tell him to wait. 

Dani: hi greg this kid i met who's super cute and nice wants to hang out with me after school is it okay if i go  
Greg: Home by six for dinner, don't get pregnant  
Dani: got it

I nod and Phil's face lights up. "Cool! Gecks gave you my number, right? Text me later and we can meet up after school. Now get to class, Dani." I put my phone back in my backpack and run up the steps to the school building. I don't want to be late to my first math class this year. Well, I guess I wouldn't mind that. Greg would. I like making him happy and proud of me. Greg is good motivation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm used to writing on Wattpad with a word count, so I'm still playing around with the length of chapters. I was going to make this longer but I wasn't sure. Any feedback on length would be appreciated. Is this a good length or should I go longer/shorter?


	3. Update (but not really)

Yo, my dudes. It's been a minute. This is just a quick little thing to tell you that I do still exist and I have not abandoned this fic. I'm working on it and I have ideas for it. I've had some hardcore writers block for a few months, but I promise this fic is going somewhere and you can expect an update...well, I'm not going to put a date on it because I don't want to put myself under that kind of pressure. I'm working on it. All of your support and comments are so motivation (like, especially comments? If I get an email and it says "From: archive of our own. so-and-so commented on Genderfluid - Phan!" my heart goes ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh and my brain is like !!! it good they like keep work!! So, in short, I just wanted to let you all know that I am working on this and I have not disappeared, it just might be a little while. Once the next chapter is posted, I will delete this. Thank you for your patience. I appreciate it 

Thank, 

-Dylan


	4. So...hi

Hi. So, I just got a notification for a comment on this fanfic, which still happens now and again. It prompted me to write this (this: this, the thing that I'm currently typing right now that you are reading hello). I don't know if this fanfiction will ever be continued for a few reasons. This post is kind of brain-dumpy and I have homework to do so I'm not gonna proofread (that's a terrible idea always proofread everything it's very important) so bear with me. Here goes. 

1) There is no storyline. "What? It's a story, of course there's a storyline!" No. There is not. I've grown a lot as a writer since starting this over a year ago. Then, I was 13 and just wanted to be writing something, but didn't know how to go about it. Now, I'm 15 and I know a lot more about writing. I know that to tell a story, you need to have a story. When you're planning a story, no, you don't need to know every plot detail to the T, but you need to know the jist of the plot you're creating. This story had no plan, no plot idea. All I had was one simple plot point: Phil becomes Dan's tutor. Great. Cool. There was no plan as to how to get there, no idea for what was going to happen next, no reason, and no motivation. That was why I was struggling so much. Now, I know that to write a good story you need to have a good story. This story just had characters, which brings me to my next point. 

2) I write/wrote characters, not stories. This is still something I struggle with as a writer. I can create diverse, unique, layered characters, but I can't write a story. My OC's from this story (Gecko, Willow, Sebby, and Tanner) are each very well developed individuals. They come from their own universe that I've created and they are each their own people. However, the reason I could so easily insert them into another story like this is that they don't come from a story. I can create those characters, but I have nowhere to put them. I still don't (I'm working on that, though, they're going somewhere eventually. Their universe is another one-plot-point-story that needs to be scrapped and redeveloped). Those characters are characters that I wanted to get to know more. Using them in a story outside of their own is a great character development exercise, but I wasn't attacking it well. I stuck whole-assed characters from a half-assed story into another half-assed story. The Dan and Phil characters from this story were the budding beginnings of well developed characters that I simply never got around to developing. However, I can't see myself developing them any further because of...my next point! 

3) The Dan and Phil characters are not Dan and Phil. My opinion on fanfiction has changed a lot since starting this story. Like, a LOT. I don't know how I feel about fanfiction about real people, and this failed story is a prime example of why. A lot of fanfictions writers are the opposite of me. They can write a story, but not characters. So, they lean on the concept that they can just stick their celebrity favorites into their story. Don't get me wrong, a lot of fanfictions writers can tell a really, really good story, they just can't write the characters for it. I can write good characters, but not their story. When a fanfiction writer takes a real person, like Dan and Phil, and sticks them into a completely different story than their own (that is to say specifically AU's, which this is) they're not writing that person anymore. They're writing that person with the character equivilent of a one-plot-point-story. What I mean by that is that by making Phil autistic or Dan genderfluid or something like that, something they're not, you're no longer writing Dan and Phil. You're using Dan and Phil as reference points for what you don't realize are actually half-assed original characters. 

4) I'm not interested in this story. Sure, there was kind of the start of something here, but I don't know what it was, for the reason stated in number 3, it wasn't going to be good, and there's just no reason for me to continue it. I appreciate all of your comments and all of your kudos and everything, and I appreciate the support, but I just don't really want to put in the effort to develop this story any further. Even if I did, I'd have to start over, no question. I may post different stuff in the future, I may not. I'm pretty busy with school and work most of the time, so writing shitty-mediocre fanfiction that I no longer believe in isn't really my biggest priorety right now. Thanks for everything, thanks for reading this, and I appreciate all of your comments. This is probably the last update you'll see from me, unless I post another thing that I'm kind of working on. I guess I'll interrupt myself now to tell you about that. I wrote a plot. It's not great, but I wanna try writing it to work on plot development. I think that if I write a developed fanfiction with a solid plot (which I have mapped out already) then it'll be a good exercise with plot development so that hopefully I'll get better at putting character writing and plot writing together. Maybe I'll post that eventually. Who knows, it may take another year. Either way, don't expect much from me any time soon, but know that I appreciate your comments and whatnot. Thanks, 

-Dylan.


End file.
